I experienced some of the most precious, heart-wrenching, and blessing sights today while at the orphanage. First, a little girl who I had seen toting a draw string bag around all day. When she came up to me, I was curious to see what she was carrying around protecting so intently. What I found absolutely shattered my heart. The bag held a collection of her treasures: an empty neosporin tube, a random lid to a jar, a children's math book absolutely worn to shreds, pieces of cloth, and a cracked plastic cup. By American standards, this little girl was carrying around a bag full of junk. But to her, these were her most prized possessions that caused her to just beam with pride as I looked through them.
As the day continued and it became increasingly hotter, Roody came to deliver the team some cold bottles of water. As I sat there drinking the cold water, the kids around me were fighting to get their fingers on it to get even the slightest bit of the prespiration on the outside of the bottle to stick in their mouth for some refreshment. It's not as easy as going to the fridge to get a sip of water for these kids. They don't even get beverages during meals. When and if the water buckets are out, they get water. It just made me feel so unbelievably selfish to be sitting there with a cold bottle of water watching them long for even just a sip.
Now that everyone is sad a depressed, time for the joyful part of the day! I was sitting there holding sweet Julika when all of a sudden the kids just went absolutely nuts. They were running around, grinning ear to ear, and screaming what appeared to be very exciting news. Come to find out, Roody had just told them the big news about taking them to the beach tomorrow! I absolutely can NOT wait to see their faces, when many of them see the ocean for the very first time. If you read my post from last week, you'll understand just how significant of a blessing this is. For at least one afternoon, these children will not be prisoners inside the walls of that orphanage. For at least one afternoon, they'll get to experience one of God's wonderful creations and have a memory to hold tightly to. And finally, they'll be able to dream about the ocean, because they'll have seen it!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
One Raw Heart
To be perfectly honest, over the course of the last week, I have been incredibly anxious to be home. I have loved every minute of it here, and haven't really been experiencing homesickness persay, but my heart just hasn't been in my work this past week.
Yesterday, as I was reading my Bible on the beach, God brought me to 2 Corinthians. Initially I was planning on picking up in 1 Corinthians where I had left off before, but without even my knowledge, God directed me to the passage he had in store for me that day by sending the wind to flip there for me. He brought me to this verse:
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
The truth is, I had lost heart. My heart had drifted back home, and I had really and truly lost heart for the work set before me. In that moment, God truly began to renew my spirit as just minutes later a Haitian employee of the hotel walked by, took notice of my Bible, and struck up a conversation with me. He asked was I reading a Bible and if I was a Christian. I said yes to both in which he responded that it was a "very good" book that I was reading. After finding out he wasn't a believer, God blessed me with the opportunity to share that it is not merely a good book, but a true book. He expressed a desire to become a Christian and said he knew that he should, but "wasn't ready" for whatever reason. He said he didn't know the future but that maybe someday he would change his life. To that I told him that one thing I knew for sure about the future was that when my life ends or when Christ returns, that I will spend eternity with King Jesus and that he could know the same. He didn't accept, but it was a wonderful opportunity that God placed right in my lap and showed me just how ever present He is.
As I was making my final trip from Port-au-Prince to Leogane today after picking up the team, God continued to renew me. During that drive I realized how immune I had become to it all. Instantly my heart went back to the very first time I had traveled that road back in December. The children begging for money walking around barefoot in tattered clothing, the piles of trash burning on the side of the road, the crumbled homes sitting abandoned, the thousands of tarps standing as homes.... On and on the things that originally served to break my heart for these people began to tear at my heart all over again. It was all I could do to hold back the tears.
Once I got back to the compound, I just needed some time alone with God to repent of how selfish I've been lately. And once again, he pointed me to the most fitting passage:
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinner will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:10-17
And that's exactly where I stand before the Lord right now. Broken. Utterly, and completely broken. Rebroken for these people. Broken over my selfishness. And broken over the little time I have left to truly serve Him and the Haitian people with all my might and to complete the good work he has placed before me.
For those of you who have been so faithful to follow all that God is doing on this trip, I just ask one last thing of you: Please pray diligently for me this week. Pray that my heart be guarded against selfish thoughts of returning home. Pray that my heart remain humbled and in pieces before the Lord and for these people. Words can't express how thankful I am for my many prayer warriors.
Yesterday, as I was reading my Bible on the beach, God brought me to 2 Corinthians. Initially I was planning on picking up in 1 Corinthians where I had left off before, but without even my knowledge, God directed me to the passage he had in store for me that day by sending the wind to flip there for me. He brought me to this verse:
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
The truth is, I had lost heart. My heart had drifted back home, and I had really and truly lost heart for the work set before me. In that moment, God truly began to renew my spirit as just minutes later a Haitian employee of the hotel walked by, took notice of my Bible, and struck up a conversation with me. He asked was I reading a Bible and if I was a Christian. I said yes to both in which he responded that it was a "very good" book that I was reading. After finding out he wasn't a believer, God blessed me with the opportunity to share that it is not merely a good book, but a true book. He expressed a desire to become a Christian and said he knew that he should, but "wasn't ready" for whatever reason. He said he didn't know the future but that maybe someday he would change his life. To that I told him that one thing I knew for sure about the future was that when my life ends or when Christ returns, that I will spend eternity with King Jesus and that he could know the same. He didn't accept, but it was a wonderful opportunity that God placed right in my lap and showed me just how ever present He is.
As I was making my final trip from Port-au-Prince to Leogane today after picking up the team, God continued to renew me. During that drive I realized how immune I had become to it all. Instantly my heart went back to the very first time I had traveled that road back in December. The children begging for money walking around barefoot in tattered clothing, the piles of trash burning on the side of the road, the crumbled homes sitting abandoned, the thousands of tarps standing as homes.... On and on the things that originally served to break my heart for these people began to tear at my heart all over again. It was all I could do to hold back the tears.
Once I got back to the compound, I just needed some time alone with God to repent of how selfish I've been lately. And once again, he pointed me to the most fitting passage:
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinner will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:10-17
And that's exactly where I stand before the Lord right now. Broken. Utterly, and completely broken. Rebroken for these people. Broken over my selfishness. And broken over the little time I have left to truly serve Him and the Haitian people with all my might and to complete the good work he has placed before me.
For those of you who have been so faithful to follow all that God is doing on this trip, I just ask one last thing of you: Please pray diligently for me this week. Pray that my heart be guarded against selfish thoughts of returning home. Pray that my heart remain humbled and in pieces before the Lord and for these people. Words can't express how thankful I am for my many prayer warriors.
Sunday, July 3, 2011
How Do They Dream?
I've visited the same orphanage multiple times, and yet every time holds a different experience. The ratio between children and workers are mind boggling. There just simply aren't enough to supply for the physical needs while still managing to supply for their emotional and spiritual needs. This is evident in the way the children fight for our attention and nearly trample us longing to gain the spot in our laps. They simply want to be loved.
As we were driving back to the compound after attending the Sunday night service there at the orphanage, Roody Joseph (the missionary here) told me of how he had a moment of brokenness tonight, and his words really touched my heart. He said he sat there asking God, "Do these kids even dream?" He referred to them as similar to prisons, stuck within the walls of the orphanage with little to no knowledge of the outside world. They grow up there until age 20, learning no trade or life experience, and then are released to the outside world without a clue of what to do. When speaking with some of the older girls there yesterday, asking what their plans were when they left the orphanage, and they each answered that they didn't know.
One of the things Roody said that moved me the most and really put things into perspective was, "How can they dream about the ocean if they've never seen it." And it made me think, what could they dream about other than what they've seen? I can dream big dreams because I've seen the world, or have access to the internet to see the things I wish to see. But these kids see who and what are within four walls. What could their dreams consist of?
Like Roody said, the only comfort I can cling to for these kids is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
He has a plan for each of those kids that He will iron out in his timing. And that's the only thing I can rest in.
As we were driving back to the compound after attending the Sunday night service there at the orphanage, Roody Joseph (the missionary here) told me of how he had a moment of brokenness tonight, and his words really touched my heart. He said he sat there asking God, "Do these kids even dream?" He referred to them as similar to prisons, stuck within the walls of the orphanage with little to no knowledge of the outside world. They grow up there until age 20, learning no trade or life experience, and then are released to the outside world without a clue of what to do. When speaking with some of the older girls there yesterday, asking what their plans were when they left the orphanage, and they each answered that they didn't know.
One of the things Roody said that moved me the most and really put things into perspective was, "How can they dream about the ocean if they've never seen it." And it made me think, what could they dream about other than what they've seen? I can dream big dreams because I've seen the world, or have access to the internet to see the things I wish to see. But these kids see who and what are within four walls. What could their dreams consist of?
Like Roody said, the only comfort I can cling to for these kids is Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
He has a plan for each of those kids that He will iron out in his timing. And that's the only thing I can rest in.
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