One Raw Heart

To be perfectly honest, over the course of the last week, I have been incredibly anxious to be home. I have loved every minute of it here, and haven't really been experiencing homesickness persay, but my heart just hasn't been in my work this past week.
Yesterday, as I was reading my Bible on the beach, God brought me to 2 Corinthians. Initially I was planning on picking up in 1 Corinthians where I had left off before, but without even my knowledge, God directed me to the passage he had in store for me that day by sending the wind to flip there for me. He brought me to this verse:
"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day." 2 Corinthians 4:16
The truth is, I had lost heart. My heart had drifted back home, and I had really and truly lost heart for the work set before me. In that moment, God truly began to renew my spirit as just minutes later a Haitian employee of the hotel walked by, took notice of my Bible, and struck up a conversation with me. He asked was I reading a Bible and if I was a Christian. I said yes to both in which he responded that it was a "very good" book that I was reading. After finding out he wasn't a believer, God blessed me with the opportunity to share that it is not merely a good book, but a true book. He expressed a desire to become a Christian and said he knew that he should, but "wasn't ready" for whatever reason. He said he didn't know the future but that maybe someday he would change his life. To that I told him that one thing I knew for sure about the future was that when my life ends or when Christ returns, that I will spend eternity with King Jesus and that he could know the same. He didn't accept, but it was a wonderful opportunity that God placed right in my lap and showed me just how ever present He is.
As I was making my final trip from Port-au-Prince to Leogane today after picking up the team, God continued to renew me. During that drive I realized how immune I had become to it all. Instantly my heart went back to the very first time I had traveled that road back in December. The children begging for money walking around barefoot in tattered clothing, the piles of trash burning on the side of the road, the crumbled homes sitting abandoned, the thousands of tarps standing as homes.... On and on the things that originally served to break my heart for these people began to tear at my heart all over again. It was all I could do to hold back the tears.
Once I got back to the compound, I just needed some time alone with God to repent of how selfish I've been lately. And once again, he pointed me to the most fitting passage:
"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. THEN I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinner will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise." Psalm 51:10-17
And that's exactly where I stand before the Lord right now. Broken. Utterly, and completely broken. Rebroken for these people. Broken over my selfishness. And broken over the little time I have left to truly serve Him and the Haitian people with all my might and to complete the good work he has placed before me.
For those of you who have been so faithful to follow all that God is doing on this trip, I just ask one last thing of you: Please pray diligently for me this week. Pray that my heart be guarded against selfish thoughts of returning home. Pray that my heart remain humbled and in pieces before the Lord and for these people. Words can't express how thankful I am for my many prayer warriors.